he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
