After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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