This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
