Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
