so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize