At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
