talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
