I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
