This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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