I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
