so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
