ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
