Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
