Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
