i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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