i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
