she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
