Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
