i need an iv and a liver transplant
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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