i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
