im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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