2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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