I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
