are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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