You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
