And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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