girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
