I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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