it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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