see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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