Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
PANTIES FOUND
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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