i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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