remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
