Sry I called you an 8
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
