i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
