Your dad touched me again.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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