Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
