I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
