What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
