my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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