Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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