I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
