Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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