Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
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I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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