Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
