Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
