nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
