Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.