I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
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you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
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Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?