Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.

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  (305): I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things. http://tfl.nu/z35b
  Replies (4) Good night (1003) Bad night (1981)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?

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  (207): I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend? http://tfl.nu/xxqb
  Replies (49) Good night (1037) Bad night (3014)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.

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  (862): Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/hfa7
  Replies (40) Good night (2277) Bad night (3230)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

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  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
  Replies (79) Good night (14337) Bad night (1143)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.

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  (216): When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning. http://tfl.nu/aoha
  Replies (3) Good night (3977) Bad night (1032)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up

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  (662): i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up http://tfl.nu/hogm
  Replies (5) Good night (749) Bad night (2185)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover

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  (203): im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover http://tfl.nu/eh7g
  Replies (1) Good night (1672) Bad night (758)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.

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  (313): Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career. http://tfl.nu/jur5
  Replies (18) Good night (753) Bad night (2579)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.

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  (609): Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style. http://tfl.nu/0udf
  Replies (6) Good night (2216) Bad night (1175)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"

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  (303): Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!" http://tfl.nu/4c9h
  Replies (4) Good night (860) Bad night (429)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.

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  (417): I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana. http://tfl.nu/djzp
  Replies (0) Good night (405) Bad night (603)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?

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  (519): Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!? (1-519): Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic? http://tfl.nu/6rsm
  Replies (1) Good night (906) Bad night (493)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.

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  (702): I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now. http://tfl.nu/cei7
  Replies (1) Good night (404) Bad night (344)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.

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  (313): Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club. http://tfl.nu/xqxw
  Replies (1) Good night (627) Bad night (298)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.

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  (512): My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions. http://tfl.nu/js50
  Replies (3) Good night (320) Bad night (376)

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