am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.