I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize