i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
