Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
third nipple confirmed
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.