hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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