My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
