tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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