i permit you to call me
from now on my penis is your penis
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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