Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
