I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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