so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
