This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
