3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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