why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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