Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
