nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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