My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
