i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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