my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
