Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
