The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
