When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
