Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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